Update:

It is a new world. My child just talked to her Dada on speaker phone and has figured out how to turn on the XBox via remote control. She is singing to the remote control now and intermittently questioning me: "Mama? Mama?" No, I can't teach you what that thing does yet. You aren't even supposed to watch tv until you are two years old. And even then no more than half an hour each day. Thankfully chasing the cat still has more appeal than blinky electronics. Oh, and licking the knob to my desk drawer. Yes, she is still one going on...one!

Notes to Self

Dear Self:

You could use some pointers, mostly about time management. Here is what you need to know:

1. You really don't need to check Facebook more than once an hour. Maybe even once a day. What a brain drain! Ah, but it's an addiction.
2. Eat more beans. You don't get gas from them--you are lucky--so eat them!
3. Listen to more music. It makes your baby dance. You like watching your baby dance. It is a win-win all the way around.
4. Eat more barley. It goes well with beans.
5. Figure out what the hell happened to your customized blog background while you were off raising aforementioned child and not blogging. Seriously...where is my cute blog background?
6. Drink more water. Add lemon if it helps. Add bubbles if you need to. Just drink more water. It is good for your skin. And all those other organs you carry around.
7. Get your abs in shape. You want another baby or three. If you want to carry another baby around for 9 months you need a package to keep it in. You can do ab exercises while you Facebook.
8. Make lots of lists. Cross stuff off of said lists. Get things done. Like vacuuming and mopping the floor and watering the garden.
9. Floss. And brush. Because your dad told you to. And it is disturbing that children get tooth decay from their parents. You don't want to be responsible for your child's cavities simply because you forget to floss then play games involving munching chubby fingers.
10. Call your parents. You love them, they love you. You now know how much effort it took to ensure you ate and were not covered in dirt all day long. Plus your dad wants to discuss the Bachelorette.